Stop Clinging To Those Thoughts and Things and Let Go
In one entry in “The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have,” Mark Nepo writes about how we tend to cling to thoughts and things especially when life moves on. We hold onto what was, not wanting anything to change. He goes on to talk about how we can't control life, it will keep moving, and that all of the holding onto and clinging only makes matters worse. In a sense, we have to let go and feel the feelings.
Separate the Thought or the Thing From the Feeling
As we prepare for the next chapter in our life, Bill and I have been going through closets, drawers and boxes. We are lucky in that we don't have a basement or an attic, so our project is easier than those with lots of storage spaces. Some things are easy to give away or throw out. For me it's clothes that no longer fit or I haven't worn in years, old pots & pans, books that no longer hold my interest. I think this is easy for me because there are no feelings attached. When it comes to other possessions - drawings or crafts from my son as a child, letters and cards from friends and relatives, stuffed animals, a tea cup - these are examples of items that hold a lot of emotion. Sometimes just thinking about throwing them out is enough to make me cry.
BUT I know I need to let go of those things. I know that keeping them is holding me back from becoming the person I am meant to be.
A Ritual For Letting Go of Things
Rituals help me release my grief and sadness in a concrete way. I wrote about a ritual I creatd e a few years after my son died. In that ritual I prayed and asked my ancestors to help me. To help me let go of the things I had saved for years, I created a "thank you" ritual. I tried it with the 3 small stuffed animals of Ian's that were in a dresser drawer. I picked up each item and spoke to it. I thanked it for being with me. I remembered how he liked them, played with them. I let myself feel the emotion attached. Then I put each one in the bag to give or throw away.
This was VERY hard to do. It was VERY draining. But, I felt so much LIGHTER after. And I was so glad I did it. Now, I can still remember the stuffed animals and how he played with them, but there is no emotional baggage attached.
Change the Stories You Tell Yourself
While it is a challenge to clean out cabinets, book shelves, boxes, and closets and to let go of things, sometimes it can be tougher to release the thoughts or stories we cling to. Do you find that you put the blame on yourself when something goes wrong? Are you afraid to free your mind from these stories? Are you wondering WHY these thoughts have such a hold on you?
It's possible to get stuck in an endless loop of self-doubt, unworthiness, and self-blame and to carry this burden in our minds every day. The tendency to loop through self-doubt and negative narratives can stall personal growth.
It's crucial to recognize these destructive patterns and question why they hold such power. By acknowledging the impact of self-blame and challenging the narratives we tell ourselves, we can break free from the cycle, fostering a mindset that propels us forward in life.
In our journey through life, both physical possessions and mental narratives can serve as anchors, preventing us from fully embracing the present and moving forward. By adopting rituals for letting go and challenging self-limiting stories, we can shed the weight that holds us back, paving the way for a lighter, more liberated tomorrow.
Want more resources to help you navigate grief and loss? Download the Free Tips for Grief Relief Guide