Honoring Loved Ones Through Food: How Memories of a Meal Can Help Us Heal

Have you ever walked into a room and caught a whiff of something that immediately took you back in time? Maybe it was the smell of your grandmother’s kitchen or a dish you haven’t tasted in years. It’s amazing how powerful food can be in stirring up memories—especially when we’re grieving.

The Power of Food and Memory

I remember a day, probably eight years after my grandmother had passed, when I walked into a house I’d never been in before. It was a weekday afternoon, and out of nowhere, I smelled her pot roast. The scent was so real, it was like I had stepped right back into one of our Sunday dinners together. I was flooded with memories of her cooking and the warmth of her home.

The Struggle to Cook After Loss

Food is a connector in so many ways. It links us to memories, to family traditions, and even to people we’ve lost. In the years after my son Ian died, I struggled to make certain foods that he loved. Some dishes felt too painful to recreate—like butter bread or cassoulet, his favorites. Even today, there are recipes I still can’t bring myself to cook.

But a couple of years after Ian’s death, I decided to honor him on his birthday with something simple and meaningful: pie. Ian loved pie far more than cake, and whether it was blueberry, apple, or pumpkin, he was all about it. I remember how his friends once tried to bake him a pie in high school, and even though it didn’t turn out great, it was such a sweet memory for him and for them.

Now, every year on his birthday, I ask friends and family to join me in celebrating Ian by making or eating a piece of pie. It’s a way to remember him through something he loved, and over the years, this tradition has brought comfort not only to me but to others who miss him. People send pictures of their pies or the empty plates after they’ve eaten. It’s a simple, shared way to keep his memory alive.

Using Food as a Bridge to Healing

If you’ve lost someone, food can be a powerful way to remember them. Maybe there’s a recipe that was their favorite, but you’re not ready to make it yet—and that’s okay. Grief is complicated, and you should give yourself the grace to do what feels right. Some days, you might find comfort in cooking their favorite meal; other times, it might be too much. That’s okay too.

Sometimes, just talking about the food they loved can help bring back memories that are comforting. You might find that other people who miss them, like friends or family, have stories to share as well. It’s a beautiful way to keep that person’s memory alive, especially on days like birthdays or anniversaries.

Food is not just nourishment for the body—it feeds the soul, especially when it’s tied to someone we’ve lost. So, whether it’s pie or pot roast, or even just a smell that takes you back, let yourself savor those moments. Cry if you need to, laugh if you can, but most importantly, give yourself the grace to feel it all.

If you are a suicide loss survivor, I have a free resource. It's called Healing Hearts, A Roadmap for Suicide Loss Survivors and you can download it from my website sueandersenyoga.com/roadmap.